Day 10 of 31: Body Love Yoga Challenge {Dark Truth}

Only in Darkness  


You know I almost didn't blog.

And I almost didn't do yoga.

And then I reached out.  I texted my brother.  I connected with a dear friend.

I turned on my friend Shari's Yoga Nidra CD and surrendered.

Surrendered to the pain.  the discomfort. the confusion and the sadness.

  Yes that is my life as of late.  It's so easy to share when life is great. When we feel on top of our game.  When our successes outweigh our failures.  But what about in the times of darkness?

I know in the past I never let on.  I'd cover up the pain with a smile, my need to talk with questions for you.

I almost wasn't going to share tonight and then my friend said 'nobody likes perfect. we can't relate' and I thought of how much I have tried to be 'perfect' throughout my life. And of course never EVER living up to my idea of perfect - never looking perfect enough, never being skinny enough, never being fun enough, smart enough, just never enough.

We live in a society where we idealize perfection - we boast and color our lives like a mirage.  We talk about the great times, we share our best photos, our upcoming trips, our latest accomplishments {I have done all of the above and then some of course}, but we all know there's so much in between our highlight reels that we don't share.  I heard recently this - 'Don't judge your insides by other people's outsides.'

I feel like that could be the motto for this decade. We are entrenched in a society of baloney, of movies, of make believe.

I didn't want to write tonight.

As I lay on the floor sobbing over the state of my emotions, my life - wondering where it went wrong.  I thought about all of you.  I thought about the inspiration each of you have given me in your posts, your phone calls, your emails and your texts over the last ten days.  It amazes me.  How much we all yearn for community and for connection and yet how hard it can be for so many to connect.

I have learned over the past year that true connection occurs in moments of sheer terror, pure pain and utter helplessness.  In these vulnerable moments we give someone else a gift of permission to share their truth.  I hope that each of you know in your moments of darkness that you are not alone - that someone, somewhere is lying right there next to you crying their little eyes out to.

So much love, light + pure gratitude to each of you for joining me on this journey and truly being present; it amazes, inspires and completely delights me.  Thank you xxoo


A beautiful song for each of you during the good and the dark times...Xavier Rudd, one of my new musical favs - enjoy :)


**A poem courtesy of my dear friend I have yet to meet Leslie Laya Raznick:

The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. but little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do- determined to save the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver, Dream Work, Grove Atlantic Inc., 1986 & New and Selected Poems, Beacon Press, 1992.